Følelser og fakta

Noen ganger tenker jeg på hvor rart det er at vi som nasjon har bestemt at alle barn skal ha obligatorisk undervisning i norsk, geografi, matematikk, naturfag, samfunnsfag, kunst og håndverk og engelsk, mens kunnskap om tanker, følelser og relasjoner skal de bare absorbere på magisk vis. Jeg tror mye lidelse kunne vært unngått hvis følgende kunnskap om følelser ble inkludert i grunnskolepensum (hentet fra artikkelen 3 facts about feelings):

1. Følelser har en funksjon:

Yes, even negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger, can be illuminating.

For instance, you might think you need to stifle your sadness. However, wallowing in or shunning sadness may mean missing an important message: your job just doesn’t feel rewarding.

If you notice your sadness, you may realize “you need a job where you feel more stimulated. This may motivate you to think about career changes,” and if you share your feelings, the people around you may step in to help.Feeling your feelings gives you the opportunity to follow your inner wisdom.

2. Du kan føle noe uten å handle på det:

Sometimes, acting on our emotions doesn’t serve us, and the thoughts wrapped up in these feelings are inaccurate. For instance, after being rejected romantically, you feel unlovable. You may even interpret this as a cold, hard fact. If you let this feeling rule your behavior, you might stop taking care of yourself or seeking supportive relationships.

What’s more helpful is to acknowledge how you’re feeling and explore the accuracy of your thoughts. In the above example, while “this emotion may feel understandable,” it’s also not true, Taitz said.

3. Det er viktig å bearbeide følelser:

We store our feelings in the body, which can result in stress and physical symptoms such as hypertension, muscle tension, gastrointestinal problems [and] headaches. (…) Processing our feelings provides cathartic release and honors our experience.

In fact, many addictive behaviors, such as substance abuse and problematic spending, stem from believing emotions are too overwhelming and trying to run from them. Running from our emotions can keep us stuck. Sitting with them opens us up to growth and learning.

"Do feelings have taste?" av ArchanN

«Do feelings have taste?» av ArchanN

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Å komme til kjernen i terapi

Hvordan har det seg at det ofte er først mot slutten av en terapitime at man kommer til de dypere, mer følelsesladde temaene? Kjempefin artikkel om nettopp dette hos PsychCentral: «Getting to the good part in therapy«. Les et utdrag her:

Therapy clients often come to therapy with a conscious agenda of what they want to talk about, but there is always an unconscious agenda as well. The top item on that agenda is the preservation of safety.

Some people find it difficult to feel safe in the presence of another person. In their experience, closeness and intimacy lead to shame, rejection, punishment, or domination. Even the most empathic therapist can feel like a formidable obstacle to a person whose vulnerability has been exploited or disregarded, particularly in their earliest relationships.

The invitation to allow oneself to be known is like a double-edged sword. We long to express our deep, personal thoughts and feelings, but we dread the negative consequences we’re used to experiencing when we do so. The psyche protects itself by only allowing access to material that has already been processed and is therefore safe to be known.

However, as the process of therapy continues and the client repeatedly experiences the therapist as caring, understanding and nonjudgmental, the psyche’s self-protective defenses begin to loosen. Sometimes it may only feel safe to “know” certain memories and their attendant feeling states for short periods of time, like in the last few minutes of the therapy hour.