Forskere ved Gottman-instituttet har i mange tiår forsøkt å finne ut hva som skader og styrker et kjærlighetsforhold. De har kommet frem til fire spesielt giftige ingredienser: Kritikk, forakt forsvar og avstenging. I videoen under forklarer de mer, og gir noen tips til hvordan man kan detoxe forholdet sitt. Verdt en titt!
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Throughout all of this, what I would ultimately realize was that each voice was closely related to aspects of myself, and that each of them carried overwhelming emotions that I’d never had an opportunity to process or resolve, memories of sexual trauma and abuse, of anger, shame, guilt, low self-worth. The voices took the place of this pain and gave words to it, and possibly one of the greatest revelations was when I realized that the most hostile and aggressive voices actually represented the parts of me that had been hurt most profoundly, and as such, it was these voices that needed to be shown the greatest compassion and care.
Dette foredraget er tre gode ting i ett: sant, kraftfullt og morsomt. Jeg elsker blant annet hvordan hun beskriver sin egen terapi:
And she said, «What’s the struggle?» And I said, «Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.» And I said, «But here’s the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit. I just need some strategies.» Thank you. So she goes like this. And then I said, «It’s bad, right?» And she said, «It’s neither good nor bad. It just is what it is.» And I said, «Oh my God, this is going to suck.»